"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional." -M. Kathleen Casey

My illness may have my body, but it will never 

conquer my soul. - Jennism

As I was driving to and from my volunteer job today, I was noticing how much heavier the traffic was, and I supposed that that was  a direct result of people’s Christmas vacations being over.  I myself, however, have not taken a vacation in over a decade. 

Whilst a vacation may allow me to ‘escape’ the hustle and bustle of my daily have-tos, want-tos, and need-tos, I, unfortunately, cannot ever escape my companion called ‘pain’.

For all of my life I have battled kidney disease, which causes me to have 3-4 bladder and kidney infections a month. Furthermore, for the past 2 decades, I have been living with chronic pain that comes from having: 8 herniated discs, which cause me to have daily headaches; plantar faciitis in both heels; and knees riddled with arthritis.   More recently, I developed gout in my left toe.  And for those of you who take pain medications, please allow me this brief ‘poor-me moment’ when I say, I am not allowed to take those types of medications as they damage the kidneys. 

My health has created a chain reaction of chaos in my life. It has: impacted my physical well-being and my emotional health; and limited mobility. It has produced: chronic fatigue and weight gain; dependency on others; a shrinking social life; perpetual exhaustion; and depression. Thus it is no understatement when I say that  I live in unrelenting physical misery.

And so the past twenty years have felt like an incessant avalanche crashing down on me. So many times when I scratched, clawed, and crawled my way out of the emotional rubble, another chronic health problem would throw me back to ground zero. The more traumas I endure, the more that I find myself retreating into myself, as well as feeling hopeless and helpless against my body. Consequently, my struggle for an expectable quality of life is  daunting to-say-the-least. 

Many people with chronic pain suffer feelings of isolation, and I am no exception. In my journey to find a place of acceptance for my health and love for myself to endure its racking symptoms, many people I have encountered simply did not have the capacity to offer compassion and support for what I was enduring, or accolades and encouragement for what I was overcoming. But a few people did — exceptional friends, family, and healthcare professionals. Their love, insight, and support helped me stay focused and have a reason to endure the painful struggle it is just to get out of bed.

And perhaps the most impactful person to help me through my pain was me.  Without any medical degree I found ways to heal and motivate my own damn self.  And perhaps this happened because I have been sick ALL of my life, and the pain was just something else  I had to accept as being  a constant drain on my soul and body. In any case, I, a long time ago, decided never to be a victim to my body’s ailments, but rather to be a survivor of them, and a person who chooses to thrive in spite of them.

I have come to see  myself as a warrior - 'jen-the-congueror'. And so, I created my blog as a means and a way to share with the cyber-universe the story of my personal journey and the victories and self-discoveries that I have made along the way. And in so doing, connect with other warriors who will in turn share their stories with me so that I may become inspired and motivated by their victories.

I pray that this sharing will create a virtual community for those of us who choose to honestly and courageously survive and thrive  through our chronic pain, and  more positively embrace the spectrum of emotions from rage and terror to determination and ecstasy because of this connection.  So, here’s to us – warriors who every day manage to find ways to NOT let our body’s win and keep us down and out in life.